Far away,

in my (basement) apartement.

 

I should be transcribing, writing critical summaries of this week’s readings,

re-designing the curriculum for AO101 & the womyn`s circle,

I should be doing many things, but I just wanna write,

 

Right now, because what I really want is to be with ‘him’…..

En he (probably)  knows….

But (i don’t think) no-one else does…

 

but that’s my secret (no mas)

I love him. it`s true.

 

I don’t know what to do…..

haven’t actually mouthed those words in any thing other than my safe confessionals,

 

I figure i made a fool of myself already,

 But what can I ask/say other than the truth?

 

To one who can (probably) see through my heart and soul,

And understands the silence(s).

 

See I neva believed I could feel this way,

And most around me prolly wouldn’t think that I would choose a man,

I didn’t think that I would choose a man.

 

I’ve been preferring girls from a tender age,

I played with bois and enjoy good men’s company,

have a precious family of wise brothas,

 

but I was neva strongly attracted to any one of that group of our species…

the (biological) man….the masculine (or even feminine identified) man,

i just knew….

 

En then IT happened.

 

And I couldn’t reasonably call myself a lesbian anymore,

was neva fully comfortable with that term,

 

Neither was I bisexual,

was neva fully comfortable with those binaries

 

And I will never be straight.

So what am I?

 

Does it matter?

It did…and apparently,as far as the revolushun goes, it even matters to some of my comrades,

who i`m attracted to, who I fantasise about, what kind of family I want, how my desires affect my allegiance,

apparently, all this shit is important.

 

(so) I keep the disruption a secret,

Because it didn’t come to be (anything), and wasn’t….

because if you really want me to choose camps..

well then I`ll stick with my women,

just give me some sperm when I need it,

and I might even easily be a separatist.

 

but that`s only if you push me,

because what I really want is that revolushunary commune with all my brothas and sistas,

but my imagined revolushunary commune members,

they keep pushing me away,

what`s a revolushunary daughta to do

 

I still lust after the spirit, body and minds of beautiful  women of afrikan descent.

Uchandirasiya…

 

And this really all doesn’t matter,

Because now that I finally experienced the pain of (true) love,

I have opened my eyes to the beauty of many around me….

en her true true love.

 

To the love that I need to share with my world,

And the sacrifices I have to make along the way to make that happen…

 

I am on a mission,

As everyone is supposed to be,

 

My purpose is to rebuild our communities with the advice our ancestors, sages, and righteous warriors,

Commited to the struggle for afrikan liberation,

 

To the (vision of) united states of afrika,

To the reparations and repatriations due for black people of afrikan decsent…new afrikans.

 

Where is our land? Where is our freedom?

Where is that good education?

That you say we should have,

But hold eludingly beyond our grasps….

 

Leave us with the puppets on BET, and,

the strings of AFRICOM and structural adjustment programs….

 

leave us with neo-colonial regimes

en white washed institutions,

it`s hog wash,

that this is all in the name of development,

these are the changing faces of exploitation,

and  (post) modern lies.

 

we know different,

and so we choose a different path,

listening to ouréselves and our ancestors,

because our parents may have bertrared us,

and some of our peers may have already compromised their integrity,

colluded with the vultures for powers (that be) oppressive…

 

en we,

i, know different,

from the main stream and tel-lie-vishun,

so my love is more than just `the one(s)`

 

it is, many, people…

because mine is the path of the warrior.

 

We are the ones who’ve lived through all the sides of globalisation,

The catastrophic impacts of new world trade agreements…

Where most of our resources are still leaving the continent,

Starting with me,

But this time….

It’s different,

My priorities are quality education not just for me, but for all my people.

Good food, and clean wota.

I got that right now,

And I`m working for more,

working with the necessary people,

staying true to my politics and principles,

subverting my middle class privilege,

and throwing all the bread en wine outta the ivory tower

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