These are powerful times….every blue moon eclipse, and for me, every Saturn return, there is radical change & transformation. I been saying it for over a full moon now, change is here.

Yesterday, a 7.3 eclipse got triggered in Haiti,  there could be hundreds of thousands dead, with 3 million ish affected, and, Museveni went on record, (o be broadcast for public purposes) his intent, not to back “Bahati’s Bill”. With every loss, there is a gift/giving……..the solution lies in how we respond to the crisis……by giving (more) back ofcourse

Like, I have to re/consider my own crisis…depending on where one looks at it from, I could either be a “sad excuse” or a “magnificent creature”….I could be many things….I have given and received many gifts in the past 2 years……and I consider it a testament to resistance that I have survived the past 2 years…..all with the help of the community.  

I am, literally, here because of the community (read: Marta Jimenez loaned me money for a ticket to come back to Canada) & the community (read: the growing families/cliques/movement/networks of kuchus in Kenya,  Uganda & Canada)

I could be a revolushunary warrior.  A priestess of Osun.  I could be a failed writer (I confess that my guiltiest pleasure is READING  books and I’m really more of a talker, than a writer, ask anyone who knows me, I talk alot, and jus a few subjects). I could be jus an activist. A “human rights defender”. I could be like the boi who grew up into a woman. “other” than.

I could be one of those students who “neva” graduates….(for real, since I been back, I took only two half courses at UofT….lesbian studies & the philosophy of sexuality….I still have a year and a half to go….but the truth is I changed my mind long time ago about this “western” education system…but, yes, I’ll be back.

For youth’s sake, I’ll acknowledge the imperative to get THAT  piece of paper, to open the doors that will bring you MORE  money, but for youth’s sake too, I’ll acknowledge the better, more productive alternatives, that we even as we may not know all the answers, we have still first got to know ourselves and the true true ways of our ancestors, it’s simple really)

I feel like I underwent a radical transformation when I went back home, I am not who I used to be, more grown up, less cocky, less angry, still working on my impulsiveness and (im)patience, as energetic as ever about the issues I’m passionate about…….I am also struggling, have been for many years, to maintain a level of balance, sanity and well being, living in what I see more as “shit-stems”…..environments filled with delusions, wilful ignorance, hypocrisy, “individualistic” & corrupted  behaviour…….

It is in these spaces too that I came into myself, that I found more  space for resistance…that I was punished less & found more people to commune with……now, apparently, Brooklyn is supposed to be the last bastion for that thriving, visible, powerful queer black community…..that’s what my girl tells me, and even that piece of the story is a dramatic change…who knew? This time last year, that this is where I’d be….I’d decided then that I would stay in Kenya….that I would postpone another year to work at the centre and for the queer communities in Nairobi & Coast province.

These past few days have witnessed my own earthquakes & “fiya flowers” born of upheaval.  It was HER  birthday on Friday, and on that night, I took out  the ring from my lock and put it in my shrine, so, she took it back…..for me, it all really started from there….we got “divorced”, but I still tried to at the very least jus’ celebrate the day she was born,  and the next day was the aftermath, I was grieving (and on my only true true ex’s birthday, she was consoling ME on my loss…and hours after, my “new “ partner came over with a bottle of wine & a (not-so) new script. 31 stories).

The day after that, was another ex’s birthday, the first trans man to offer marriage…..a warrior.king, and I told him so, but I wasn’t in love with hir. Hir we wasn’t  “the one”. But hir was definitely one the ones I’d been looking for, to grow & work with, to live in that revolushunary village with.

 A(nother) queer soul in the midst of crisis, and going through healing & self recovery.  Another  one of those activists on the front line of the LGBTTIQQ movement in East Afrika.

The bigger point of this recounting is to start with me, over/standing my crisis, and us collectivising our troubles, so to speak, because in the face of the earthquake that jus’ happened yesterday, in the face of backlash against queer/trans rights in Afrika, in the wake of (de)colonization & the ongoing recession ( as much as the bank of Canada, the prime minister and other global leaders want to propagandise the beginning of a new era, this shit we’re facing is OLD,  and has been mis/placed for centuries in the pursuit of imperialist perfection), it is imperative for us to work harder at addressing the gaps and inequalities inherent in the “way things are”

So, a friend asked me recently, “where you at, when are you coming back?” and I told her that I was where I was meant to be….and right here, now, with “my girl” cooking breakfast in the basement, and with my 5 MSword windows up…..trying to concentrate on programs (already over due) for the near future…..

I recognise & acknowledge that my crisis is really not unique at all, that there are many more options for me to get the money I need to pay back my outstanding loans, starting with Marta Jimenez, that I could even work outside of a capitalist money system.

I acknowledge too that for all my/our ideals and visions. Today is all we got. The future belongs to our children. And the past will remain with the ancestors.  And I gots to “get over” myself and give more for “my jiranis (neighbours)”

Yesterday. There was an earthquake in Haiti. especially devastating because of it’s sustained exposure to natural disasters & western imperialism.  earth mama took matters into hir own hands and dismantled the houses for us…now it’s our turn to grieve our collective loss, and turn to rebuilding more sustainable societies.

It’s also VERY official that Museveni won’t back the “anti – homosexuality” bill. Because the prime minister of Canada called him to talk about the gays. And Gordon Brown called to talk him about “the gays”. And the American ambassador wanted to talk to him about “the gays”….and 300,000 gays in New York assembled to protest this bill. Clearly, WE, have the power to change things. Now it’s our turn to provide more safe spaces and services to kuchus in East Afrika…..

It might seem like a stretch (a queer projection) to some, but the striking similarity of the situation in Haiti & Uganda, calls for one thing that many of us are working on…to transform pain (of loss) into more love & utilise the power of crises (“natural” disasters)

Now if only we could change nuff minds to give and receive the support we need to manage our crises and live peaceful, sane & fulfilling lives. The journey we’re on calls for us to support each other in our struggles. We have to continue to collectivise our troubles and work on Pan-afrikan solutions.

So today, I extend my energy and prayers to Haiti, to Kenya & to Uganda.  We are in a position to re/build our homes and communities with visions of love that sustain us…….afrika huru!