I remember this time last year, en the year before that, en think about where I yam now, en still wish there was a book or a cohesive, nurturing space where I could learn how to fulfill my dreams of love, life partnerships, pikney, en all the good tings’ that we’re looking for, all in one volume. (a case of wishes & horses)
I know its simple; that love is the answer. That it starts with me, myself en I, en is hinged on sharing with others. I know that giving is priceless, but it’s the concreteness of today, the promises of yesterday for tomorrow, en years from now that I’m struggling to realise.
I give thanx that I have been blessed with gifts from so many, en that somehow, as betwixt as I yam between distant queer/trans communities, my chosen en true (true) homes, and between the disjunction of visionary ideals en under achieved realities…. there is the hope in how far we’ve come, en how many there are of us in this world, dreaming en working for similar bigger pictures (a case of communities of resistance all ova the world)
So I hold on to the faith that the answers really are all within us, that we are ‘not’ “the strange ones”. We are divine creatures and God/dess speaks through us. (Mayibuye!) So, I may not know much about where we’re going, but when it comes to down it, I really don’t need that book at all, I got the realities of many positive people to draw from, en on this here space, I got you, dear reader(s), who could share with me your thoughts on good living.
If there were to be 10 commandments on queer/trans relationships what would they be?
1. “The Lord” doesn’t have to be your god. You can serve Great Goddess instead J
(as an Afrikan womyn who was raised in predominantly Christian environments, en converted to a few other Abrahamic religions before going ‘indigenous’, I hold strong to the belief that you have to be true to yourself, en why would I subscribe to ideologies that cast my ‘nature’ en choices as wrong en sinful? To each their own of course, but in my opinion, this may be one of the many gifts that queer/trans communities have for ‘others’…if we weren’t meant to be, then we wouldn’t be, but we’re here, we’re not even necessarily queer….chant with me now J )
2. You can choose en have many god/desse/s en idols.
(Again, from an indigenous perspective, how could we ignore that monotheism, as all humanity, has its roots in Afrika? And from a pan-Afrikan perspective, there are countless manifestations of the Creator. When we dig deeper, what is reaffirmed is the multiplicity of relationships that we have to guide our re/building communities. In other words, in my opinion, it only makes sense that if you were blessed to have some cake, that you should eat it. Whether it’s monogamy, polyandry, polygamy or whatever form of non-monogamous relationship that you en your lover/s are trying to craft. The basics don’t change right? The most important thing in life IS to learn how to give en receive love…the rest is a matter of choice & consent)
3. You shall not misuse LGBTTIQQ identities
This is a tricky one to negotiate, but it may be at the crux of many missed connections. What’s the rule of thumb of who/not to date? Can a dyke really have a life partnership with a ‘straight’ woman? Are bisexuals really the ones you gotta be worried about, or are they most of the ones on the down lo? Is it ethical for a ‘lesbian’ to go out with a pre-op trans man en outwardly acknowledge their gender identity, but still hold on to a preference for the biological woman?
(en this is where I’ve got to state that I no longer identify as any one of those LGBTTIQQ identities, en I will continue to take up my right to speak about LGBTTIQQ experiences, because the truth is that is what I yam…but those names are not from MY culture….technically, as many afrikan conservatives tend to assert, lesbians/homosexuals don’t, haven’t & shouldn’t exist in Afrikan cultures……we’ve got many more of our own terms to draw from, most of which have been purposefully lost, but as long as we live, their memory is within us. So I’m going through conversion therapy, I used to be a lesbian but now I have been freed from my constraints ;)…..but if you ask me what my sexual orientation or gender identity is….I gotta tell you for now, I’m going to have to take a hot minute with that one, I’ll get back to you J….I’mma Afrikan womyn, that’s where I start.)
4. Remember Pride!
If there is a universal this might be it, everyone should have at least a day of rest en divine communion, once a week. it’s called healthy living.
5. Honour your parents en your community
Many a queer en tranny can tell you sad stories about abuse & exile from their biological families because of who they ‘loved, en how they ‘looked’, en many more will tell you about the ways they have survived with chosen families en safe/r spaces. so, a good tip, as many grounded lesbians could tell you, given our penchant for processing en ‘cycling’ together, you shouldn’t just honour en respect the ‘relationship’ you’re in,(with yourself or your lovers) but the bigger point is family en friends that are in your life, that’s what will see you through rough en jood times.
6. You shall not murder
En if the relationship you’re in makes you feel like screaming blue murder, or like you could be eaten alive en disappear….then get out, en get help.
7. Re/define adultery
A good rule of thumb, if you didn’t agree to it, it’s cheating en karma’s a bitch.
8. Don’t steal
9. Don’t lie
10. You shall not covet (what is not yours).